Writing is All About the Relationship

By Edie Melson

When I first started writing, my reasons for attending writers conferences were twofold—meet the gatekeepers (editors/agents) and learn more about writing. I never considered interacting with other writers to be anything other than a side benefit. After all, writing is primarily a solitary pursuit, right? Wrong.

That is a popular, but entirely false, assumption. Writing for publication is an endeavor built on forging relationships. And those relationships can ultimately determine your success or failure in the writing industry. Here’s a list of those relationships.

• Between you and other writers
• Between you and the reader 
• Between the reader and the subject or characters
• Between you and the editor
• Between you and your agent

I listed the relationship between writers first, because surprisingly, it’s often the most vital in your writing life. The actual act of putting words on paper is a solitary act and because of that it’s easy to lose perspective. Writing in a vacuum can give us a false sense of whether or not we’re effective in our endeavor. We either wind up thinking we’re a genius or sink into the depths of despair because we can’t string two coherent sentences together. Rarely is either perspective accurate.

We need others in our profession to give us feedback, keep us grounded and provide encouragement. A writers conference is the perfect place to find these people. Let me add a word of caution here. You may be tempted, like I was at first, to insert friends and family into this role. Unless they’re also writers this dynamic just doesn’t work. They’ll unwittingly encourage you when you need a swift kick in the pants and administer the kick in the pants when you need encouragement.

The most valuable relationships I’ve developed through the years have come from those I’ve met at conferences. My critique partner and I met at a writers conference in another state—and we live only two miles apart. My mentors, my colleagues and yes, even many of my editors have come from those relationships. 

That’s an important fact to remember. People move around in this business, the beginning writer you befriend now may end up as your editor in ten years time. I was at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference in 2007 and met a fellow writer. She only wrote young adult novels, but we really hit it off and kept in touch. In late 2009 she sent me an email because she wanted to break into freelance writing (my specialty). She didn’t know I’d taken a position as the managing editor of a magazine. I ended up buying the first freelance article she’d ever written.

So what steps can you take to build these relationships while you’re at a conference? Here are my suggestions.

• Join groups of people gathered together and introduce yourself. A lot of writers are naturally shy, so I know this is a stretch. Think of it as a game. Set a goal for the number of strangers you’re going to talk with on the first day. As the week progresses it will get easier—I promise!
• Ask those you meet about their writing. Find out how long they’ve been writing, what they like to write and how they came to be at the conference. We all like to talk about our passion and writers are no different.
• Exchange business cards. This seems basic but many writers hesitate to do this with other writers—although they’re quick to pull out a card when an editor or agent walks up. But trust me, if you offer a card, everyone in the group will be quick to follow.

I also make notes on the back of business cards—just to help me remember the person better.

• Try to rotate where you eat your meals and those you sit with. This will allow you to get to know more people.
• Don’t be shy about chatting with the faculty. We all welcome new writing friends—no matter where we are on the writing journey.

These tips will help you begin relationships that will last throughout your writing journey. So come on up and introduce yourself—I can hardly wait to meet you!

Comments

["Simply" Sue Falcone]

Great words Edie. Whether writing to people, about them, or meeting them in person, you have showed us how much that personal connection is to all of us!

Love what you are doing for so many. I interact with many of those you are helping and they are so grateful for what you do!

Thanks my friend and keep writing your blog posts so we can share them with many! Have a great week!

Hugs and Blessings,

"Simply" Sue

[Julie]

This is great, Edie!! You're right on . . . you're such a valuable resource for the conference newbies -- like me!!! Thanks for all you do. You're such an awesome blessing!
Julie

[Vonda Skelton]

Right on, Edie! Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. I know the conference is going to be amazing. Al is blessed to have you on board!

[Beth]

This is so true Edie. The relationships I have made have not only been invaluable, but have made this journey much more exciting and fun!!!!

Thanks for always sharing and helping.

Blessings,
Beth Fortune